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AI and Emotional Intelligence: Can Technology Strengthen or Weaken EI?Reading time: 4,30 minutes<figure id="figure-q466gkc804lk2vnvgy"><img id="q466gkc804lk2vnvgy" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2f6C3r3HXUdD6u3vUr2oTKXqTKW2ENyJwBQZbLJVO0XElOcxDpf8WedoToVUZstS.png" alt="A stylized, abstract image of a human brain rendered in soft pastel colors (pink, lavender, mint green) emerging from a tree-like network of glowing white lines and nodes, suggesting concepts like connection, thought, technology, or creativity." title="A stylized, abstract image of a human brain rendered in soft pastel colors (pink, lavender, mint green) emerging from a tree-like network of glowing white lines and nodes, suggesting concepts like connection, thought, technology, or creativity." class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-lg md:rounded-xl lg:rounded-2xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 25% 35%;" data-corners="medium" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="25%" data-positiony="35%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/2f6C3r3HXUdD6u3vUr2oTKXqTKW2ENyJwBQZbLJVO0XElOcxDpf8WedoToVUZstS.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 25% 35%;"></figure>Artificial intelligence is changing how we think, feel, and connect. Discover how AI can support emotional intelligence — and where it may disconnect us from our emotions.AI Is Advancing — But What About Our Emotions? Artificial Intelligence is transforming the way we live, work, and communicate. From chatbots that answer our questions to apps that track our moods, AI is making life more efficient, personalised, and data-driven.But as we embrace these innovations, an important question emerges: are we strengthening our emotional intelligence — or slowly disconnecting from it?Emotional intelligence is what makes us human. It shapes how we relate to others, manage stress, and make decisions. And while AI can support emotional awareness, over-reliance on technology may come at a cost if we’re not intentional.<h2>What Is Artificial Intelligence (AI)? </h2>Artificial Intelligence (AI) refers to the simulation of human intelligence in machines. It enables systems to perform tasks such as:<ul><li>Learning from data</li><li>Problem-solving</li><li>Pattern recognition</li><li>Decision-making</li><li>Common examples of AI include chatbots, recommendation systems, voice assistants, and self-driving cars.</li><li>Increasingly, AI is also being used in mental health and wellbeing tools.</li></ul><h2>What Is Emotional Intelligence (EI)? </h2>Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognise, understand, and manage emotions — both in yourself and in others.It includes key skills such as:<ul><li>Self-awareness</li><li>Emotional regulation</li><li>Empathy</li><li>Social skills</li><li>Strong emotional intelligence is essential for healthy relationships, effective communication, resilience, and overall mental wellbeing.</li></ul><h2>How AI Can Support Emotional Intelligence?&nbsp;</h2>When used mindfully, AI has the potential to enhance emotional intelligence rather than replace it.1. Improved Self-Awareness Through Mood Tracking AI-powered mood-tracking apps can help people notice emotional patterns over time. This data can encourage reflection, identify triggers, and support better emotional regulation. We built our own, <a data-mce-href="https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/selfsquared/id6737338854" href="https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/selfsquared/id6737338854">selfsquared app</a> on the principles of that.2. Communication Feedback and Emotional Insight AI-driven communication tools can provide feedback on tone, word choice, and emotional impact — helping users communicate more clearly and empathetically.3. Building Empathy Through Simulations Virtual reality and AI simulations can expose individuals to different perspectives and emotional experiences, supporting empathy and understanding in ways traditional learning may not.Used as a guide, AI can complement emotional growth — but it should never replace human awareness.<h2>Can AI Harm Emotional Intelligence?</h2>Despite its benefits, AI also presents real risks to emotional intelligence if relied on too heavily.1. Reduced Face-to-Face Interaction AI chatbots and virtual assistants make communication faster, but they can’t replace real human connection. Over time, relying on AI interactions may weaken our ability to read non-verbal cues, emotional nuance, and body language.2. Declining Self-Reflection If an app constantly tells us how to feel, what to do, or how to respond, we may stop checking in with ourselves. Emotional intelligence requires active reflection, not passive consumption.3. The Empathy Gap AI can simulate emotional responses — but it doesn’t experience emotions. Excessive engagement with AI over real people can desensitise us to genuine emotional expression.4. Social Isolation and Echo Chambers AI-driven convenience can unintentionally reduce meaningful human interaction. Algorithms may also reinforce our existing perspectives, limiting emotional growth and exposure to diverse experiences. How to use AI without losing Emotional IntelligenceThe solution isn’t rejecting AI — it’s using it intentionally.Treat AI tools as supportive guides, not emotional authorities Prioritise real conversations and face-to-face interactions Practice regular emotional check-ins without technology Use mood-tracking and feedback tools to enhance reflection, not replace it At selfsquared, we believe technology should empower self-awareness, not outsource it.<h2>Final thoughts; Balancing AI and Emotional Intelligence</h2>AI is an incredible advancement, but emotional intelligence remains deeply human. If we allow technology to take over too much of our emotional processing, we risk losing touch with the very qualities that connect us — empathy, presence, and authenticity.The key is balance. When used consciously, AI can support emotional growth. But no matter how intelligent technology becomes, it will never replace the depth, warmth, and complexity of human emotion.And that’s something worth protecting.

AI vs Emotional Intelligence: How Artificial Intelligence Impacts Our Human Connection

Learn how gratitude journaling helps you notice positive moments, shift your mindset and improve your emotional well-being through simple daily reflection.Reading time: 4,19 minutes<figure id="figure-q466gkc804lk2vnvgy"><img id="q466gkc804lk2vnvgy" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/12CMnD2OaX5D2ztCzMyV3VoEUoqHN9ILVzNg3D9Q8AZnp2OxatctCGE1nkLXtqx1.jpg" alt="A stylized, abstract image of a human brain rendered in soft pastel colors (pink, lavender, mint green) emerging from a tree-like network of glowing white lines and nodes, suggesting concepts like connection, thought, technology, or creativity." title="A stylized, abstract image of a human brain rendered in soft pastel colors (pink, lavender, mint green) emerging from a tree-like network of glowing white lines and nodes, suggesting concepts like connection, thought, technology, or creativity." class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-lg md:rounded-xl lg:rounded-2xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 25% 35%;" data-corners="medium" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="25%" data-positiony="35%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/12CMnD2OaX5D2ztCzMyV3VoEUoqHN9ILVzNg3D9Q8AZnp2OxatctCGE1nkLXtqx1.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 25% 35%;"></figure>Gratitude journaling is a simple yet powerful practice that helps you reconnect with what’s going right, especially during moments of self-doubt, stress, or low motivation. At selfsquared, we’ve seen gratitude journaling help community members rebuild confidence, strengthen self-esteem, and feel more emotionally grounded through one-on-one coaching sessions, app-based challenges, and <a data-mce-href="http://myselfsquared.com/offerings/group-workshops" href="http://myselfsquared.com/offerings/group-workshops" target="_blank" rel="noopener">group workshops</a>. By intentionally noticing positive moments, gratitude journaling shifts focus away from self-criticism and toward progress, effort, and growth, reminding you that confidence is something you practice, not something you’re born with.<h2>What Is Gratitude Journaling?</h2>At its core, gratitude journaling is the habit of writing down things you’re thankful for on a regular basis. These moments don’t have to be big or impressive. A calm conversation, following through on a boundary, or simply getting through a tough day all count. In our <a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/individual-sessions" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/individual-sessions" target="_blank" rel="noopener">one-on-one sessions</a>, many community members start with resistance believing they have “nothing worth writing down.” But within weeks, their daily gratitude list often becomes a powerful mirror of growth. One community member shared that reading past entries helped her realize she was showing up for herself consistently, even when she didn’t feel confident in the moment. A gratitude journal practice isn’t about ignoring challenges. It’s about widening your perspective to include what’s supporting you alongside what’s stretching you.<h2>How Gratitude Journaling Shapes Your Mindset</h2>Your brain is naturally wired to focus on problems. Gratitude journaling gently retrains your attention to also notice effort, learning, and resilience.During <a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/selfsquared-app" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/selfsquared-app" target="_blank" rel="noopener">selfsquared app </a>challenges, app users are often invited to reflect using gratitude writing prompts such as:<ul><li>&nbsp;•“What did I handle better than I would have a few months ago?”</li><li>&nbsp;•“What am I proud of myself for today?”</li></ul>One workshop attendee shared that this practice helped her stop dismissing small wins. Over time, she noticed her internal language shift from “I’m not doing enough” to “I’m learning to trust myself.” That mindset shift directly supported her confidence at work and in her personal relationships.<h2>Psychological Benefits of Practicing Gratitude</h2>Research in positive psychology gratitude practices shows that gratitude journaling supports emotional wellbeing by reducing stress and improving emotional regulation. At selfsquared, we see these benefits reflected across our community.<h3>Community members who commit to gratitude journaling consistently report:</h3><ul><li>Increased self-esteem through acknowledgment of effort</li><li>Reduced anxiety during periods of change or pressure</li><li>Stronger motivation by recognizing progress, not just outcomes</li></ul>One app user described gratitude journaling as “proof on paper” that she wasn’t stuck, she was evolving. Revisiting earlier entries helped her see patterns of resilience she had previously overlooked.<h2>Simple Ways to Start It as a Habit</h2>Starting a gratitude journal practice doesn’t require perfection or long writing sessions. What matters most is consistency and honesty.<h3>Here are simple ways selfsquared community members build sustainable gratitude habits:</h3><ul><li>Three things a day: A short daily gratitude list keeps the habit approachable</li><li>Use prompts: Gratitude writing prompts inside the selfsquared app help remove &nbsp; &nbsp;pressure</li><li>Tie it to routine: Many app users journal after check-ins or before bed</li><li>Drop judgment: There’s no “right” thing to be grateful for</li></ul>In group workshops, workshop attendees often share that reflecting together helps normalize self-compassion and strengthens confidence through connection.<h2>How Gratitude Supports Long-Term Emotional Balance</h2>Over time, gratitude journaling becomes more than a habit it becomes emotional support you can return to during uncertainty. Workshop attendees navigating career transitions, burnout, or confidence dips often use gratitude journaling as an anchor. One attendee shared that on hard days, reading older entries reminded her that she had faced similar moments before and grown through them.<h3>This practice supports emotional wellbeing by helping you:</h3><ul><li>Respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally</li><li>Stay connected to your values</li><li>Build trust in yourself over time</li></ul><h2>Why Gratitude Journaling Matters for Self-Esteem and Motivation</h2>Self-esteem grows when effort is acknowledged. Motivation grows when progress feels visible. Gratitude journaling supports both.Across one-on-one sessions with coaches, app challenges, and group workshops, selfsquared community members consistently share that gratitude journaling helps them:<ul><li>Speak to themselves with more kindness</li><li>Feel more confident making decisions</li><li>Stay motivated even when results aren’t immediate</li></ul>Gratitude journaling doesn’t remove challenges, but it helps you meet them with steadiness, confidence, and self-respect.

What Is Gratitude Journaling & How It Supports Our Well-Being

Acknowledge how to reshape your thoughts, emotions, and behavior by developing awareness, and neuroplasticity through the cognitive approach in psychology.Reading time: 4,19 minutes<figure id="figure-q466gkc804lk2vnvgy"><img id="q466gkc804lk2vnvgy" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/12CMnD2OaX5D2ztCzMyV3VoEUoqHN9ILVzNg3D9Q8AZnp2OxatctCGE1nkLXtqx1.jpg" alt="A stylized, abstract image of a human brain rendered in soft pastel colors (pink, lavender, mint green) emerging from a tree-like network of glowing white lines and nodes, suggesting concepts like connection, thought, technology, or creativity." title="A stylized, abstract image of a human brain rendered in soft pastel colors (pink, lavender, mint green) emerging from a tree-like network of glowing white lines and nodes, suggesting concepts like connection, thought, technology, or creativity." class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-lg md:rounded-xl lg:rounded-2xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 25% 35%;" data-corners="medium" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="25%" data-positiony="35%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/12CMnD2OaX5D2ztCzMyV3VoEUoqHN9ILVzNg3D9Q8AZnp2OxatctCGE1nkLXtqx1.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 25% 35%;"></figure>Our thoughts don’t just describe our world. They build it. The cognitive approach in psychology helps us understand how our inner dialogue shapes what we feel, believe, and do.Every moment, your brain filters information, makes judgments, and predicts outcomes. These automatic patterns drive your choices, often without you noticing. The power of the cognitive approach lies in making those patterns visible and changeable.<h2> What the cognitive approach really means </h2>The cognitive approach studies how the mind processes information: how we take it in, store it, recall it, and use it to guide behaviour.Researchers look at memory, attention, problem-solving, and perception: the behind-the-scenes systems that explain why two people can experience the same event in completely different ways.Your brain is always interpreting. It creates shortcuts and stories, built from past experiences and beliefs. These mental “maps” help you make sense of the world, but sometimes they distort it. Once you see that your thoughts are interpretations, not facts, you gain freedom to choose better ones.If you’d like to explore this kind of awareness in practice, join one of our <a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/upcoming-workshops" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/upcoming-workshops" target="_blank" rel="noopener">group workshops</a> where we break these ideas into guided reflection and small, doable exercises.<h2> The origins of cognitive psychology </h2>In the 1950s, psychology was dominated by behaviourism, which focused on what people did rather than what they thought. But this left too much of human experience unexplained.Pioneers like Jean Piaget explored how reasoning develops in children, while Ulric Neisser defined cognitive psychology as the study of internal mental processes. Later, Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis brought these ideas into therapy, shaping what became Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT); one of the most effective and widely researched approaches to mental health.CBT is built on a simple principle: when you change the way you think, you change the way you feel and act.&nbsp;<h2> How the cognitive approach differs from behaviourism </h2>Behaviourism looks at habits you can see. The cognitive approach looks at the thought loops underneath them.For instance, someone who procrastinates might appear lazy or disorganised. From a cognitive perspective, they might be stuck in a loop of self-doubt: thoughts like “I’ll mess it up anyway” or “I never do this right.” Those thoughts shape emotions like anxiety or shame, which then drive avoidance.Changing behaviour means starting with the thought that fuels it. When you reframe that inner dialogue, action becomes easier and more natural.If you’d like a more personal way to work through unhelpful thought patterns, try a <a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/individual-sessions" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/individual-sessions" target="_blank" rel="noopener">one-to-one coaching session</a> to identify the beliefs behind your habits.<h2> Real-world examples of the cognitive approach </h2>Cognitive psychology isn’t just for therapy rooms. It’s in every moment you practise awareness.<h3>You use it when you:</h3><ul><li>Pause before reacting in a heated conversation.</li><li>Remind yourself that one setback doesn’t define your worth.</li><li>Visualise a successful outcome to prepare for a challenge. Each of these moments activates neuroplasticity: your brain’s ability to reorganise and strengthen new connections. The more you practise balanced, realistic thinking, the more those pathways become automatic. Over time, your baseline response shifts from survival to self-trust.</li></ul> <h2>The role of the cognitive approach in modern therapy</h2>Many modern wellbeing frameworks build on this foundation. Therapies such as:<ul><li>Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)</li><li>Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)</li><li>Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) All rely on one idea: thoughts, emotions, and actions influence each other in a continuous loop. When one part changes, the rest follow.</li></ul>At selfsquared, this principle guides how we design every practice. The goal isn’t to silence your thoughts, but to build awareness of them; and gradually retrain your brain to respond with clarity instead of chaos.<h2> The neuroscience behind it </h2>Each time you challenge a distorted thought, your brain fires a new pathway. With repetition, those new routes strengthen and the old, reactive ones fade. This process, known as neuroplasticity, is how real, lasting behaviour change happens.Think of it as updating your brain’s operating system, one micro-thought at a time. It takes practice and patience, but every small mental shift is a structural change in your neural wiring.The <a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/selfsquared-app" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/selfsquared-app" target="_blank" rel="noopener">selfsquared app</a> can guide you through short, neuroscience-based rewiring exercises that reinforce this process daily.<h2>A quick exercise you can try today</h2>When you notice your mind spiralling into “what if” or “I can’t” thoughts, try this short reset:<ul><li>Catch the thought. Name what’s running through your head.</li><li>Acknowledge it. Remind yourself that thoughts are mental events, not facts.</li><li>Ask for another angle. What’s a fairer or kinder interpretation?</li><li>Reinforce it. Repeat the balanced thought until it feels familiar. Even a single moment of reframing can reduce emotional intensity and help your body return to calm.</li></ul><h2>Final reflection</h2>The cognitive approach in psychology reminds us that we’re never stuck with our first thought. With awareness and repetition, we can train the brain to work for us instead of against us.Every time you choose a more balanced interpretation, you teach your mind a new habit. Over time, that habit becomes your default: not forced positivity, but steady confidence.That’s what cognitive growth looks like: small, consistent shifts that reshape the way you experience life.Joy, Co-founder, selfsquared

Understanding the cognitive approach in psychology

Understand how consistent healthy habits shape your wellbeing &amp; help you create meaningful, lasting change grounded in psychology &amp; self-awareness.Reading time: 5,12 minutes<figure id="figure-q466gkc804lk2vnvgy"><img id="q466gkc804lk2vnvgy" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1113vD89DAxSREQjvw2cQyd8hLfTucULSQUsattqMJjTlA3vvQV0nhrUlWi43Ewf.jpg" alt="Personal boundaries - selfsquared" title="Personal boundaries - selfsquared" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-lg md:rounded-xl lg:rounded-2xl" style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 30% 35%;" data-corners="medium" data-aspect="16:9" data-caption="" data-positionx="30%" data-positiony="35%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/1113vD89DAxSREQjvw2cQyd8hLfTucULSQUsattqMJjTlA3vvQV0nhrUlWi43Ewf.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 16/9; object-position: 30% 35%;"></figure>At selfsquared, we believe that transformation starts small — one habit, one choice, one mindful moment at a time.Learning how to build healthy habits is about understanding your mind, aligning your actions with your values, and creating systems that make personal growth effortless.<h2> Why Habits Shape Our Daily Lives</h2>So much of who we become is shaped by what we repeat. From your morning rituals to how you wind down at night, your habits are the invisible architecture of your life.When you intentionally build healthy habits, you reduce mental fatigue, boost focus, and create space for growth. Small, consistent behaviours compound over time quietly transform your wellbeing from the inside out. People overestimate what they can achieve in the short-term while significantly underestimating how much can be done in the long-term. That’s where habit formation becomes critical.<h2> The Psychology of Habit Formation</h2>Every habit follows a predictable pattern: cue → routine → reward. Your brain loves efficiency, so once this loop repeats often enough, it becomes automatic.The secret to long-term change isn’t in the loop — it’s in your identity. When your habits reflect who you want to become (“I’m someone who wants to be financially independent”) rather than what you want to achieve (“I want to make more money”), they integrate seamlessly into your life.At selfsquared, we combine neuroscience and psychology to help you design habits that create more space for growth in your life.<h2> Common Mistakes When Creating New Habits</h2>Even with the best intentions, many people struggle to build healthy habits because they rely solely on motivation. Motivation is a good first step, but it’s hard to stay constantly motivated. Habits take more than that!Common pitfalls that our clients and workshop attendees have reported include:<ul><li>Setting unrealistic goals that create overwhelm.</li><li>Believing consistency means perfection.</li><li>Failing to plan for unexpected obstacles or emotional triggers. Progress is rarely linear — and that’s normal. The goal is persistence, not perfection. The positive news is that all the above can be replaced with more helpful, habit-building patterns.</li></ul><h2> Practical Steps to Build Healthy Habits</h2>I talked a lot about the psychology of habit building and what people do wrong, so here’s how to build healthy habits that feel natural and sustainable. As always, our approach at selfsquared is rooted in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and neuroscience:<ol><li>Start tiny. Choose a version of the habit that feels almost too easy. Success builds momentum. </li><li>Anchor it. Attach the new behaviour to an existing routine (for example, “After I pour my morning coffee, I’ll stretch for 2 minutes.”) This is also referred to as habit stacking, as you stack a new habit onto an existing one. </li><li>Design your environment. Make the healthy choice the easy one. Visual cues nudge your brain toward success. </li><li>Track your wins. A visual record of progress triggers dopamine and strengthens your sense of capability. Creating a “Brag list” has been the favourite tracking tool for all of our clients. </li><li>Reward effort, not outcome. Each small step deserves recognition — this reinforces identity and motivation.</li></ol><h2>How to Replace Unhealthy Patterns</h2>Building new habits also means breaking the old ones. Instead of removing an unwanted behaviour, identify what need it meets. Then, meet that need in a healthier way.If you scroll your phone to relax, try replacing it with breathwork or journaling for five minutes. The cue and reward stay the same — but the middle action shifts from distraction to nourishment.&nbsp;<h2> Making Healthy Habits Stick Long-Term</h2>Lasting habits aren’t built on discipline alone; they’re rooted in meaning. Revisit your “why” often. Reflect on who you’re becoming, not just what you’re doing.When you connect your daily actions to your deeper purpose, your habits stop feeling like effort — they become an expression of who you are.Because learning how to build healthy habits is predominantly about rewriting your self-story, one intentional choice at a time. Then, routine will follow!<h2>&nbsp;Try this with selfsquared</h2>Explore our science-backed habit tools and micro-practices inside the <a data-mce-href="https://web.myselfsquared.com/login" href="https://web.myselfsquared.com/login">selfsquared app</a> — designed to help you stay calm, clear, and confident as you create a lifestyle that truly supports you.Christie, Co-founder, selfsquared

How to Build Healthy Habits That Last

Uncover the causes of perfectionism in psychology. Learn how it shapes your mental health, the traits that fuel it, and practical strategies to overcome it. Reading time: 5,12 minutes<figure id="figure-q466gkc804lk2vnvgy"><img id="q466gkc804lk2vnvgy" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/0v8Hr4JGmHpetO9U5OMZkqtJzbKFLwWdUGgsIiitOl8oyBQheLWcIdbQpAghjAKT.png" alt="Personal boundaries - selfsquared" title="Personal boundaries - selfsquared" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-lg md:rounded-xl lg:rounded-2xl" style="aspect-ratio: 1/1; object-position: 30% 35%;" data-corners="medium" data-aspect="1:1" data-caption="" data-positionx="30%" data-positiony="35%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/0v8Hr4JGmHpetO9U5OMZkqtJzbKFLwWdUGgsIiitOl8oyBQheLWcIdbQpAghjAKT.png" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 1/1; object-position: 30% 35%;"></figure><h2>What is perfectionism?</h2>Perfectionism isn’t just about “wanting to do well.” At its root, it’s an ongoing pressure to perform flawlessly, often tied to self-worth. Research suggests perfectionism is linked to overactive error-monitoring systems in the brain, meaning your mind fixates on mistakes more than successes. Left unchecked, this pattern can feel exhausting; like no matter how much you achieve, it’s never quite enough. That’s why many of us find ourselves constantly striving yet rarely satisfied. If you’re curious about how these patterns show up in your daily life, the <a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/selfsquared-app" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/selfsquared-app">selfsquared app</a> is a great place to start. <h2>The psychology behind the need to be perfect</h2>Perfectionism often stems from early experiences; praise tied to achievement, fear of criticism, or internalised high standards. Over time, this wires the brain to equate “being enough” with “being perfect.” <h3>The loop looks like this:</h3><ul><li>High pressure → you set extreme standards. </li><li>Performance check → you focus on mistakes, not progress. </li><li>Temporary relief when things go “well”; but then the cycle starts again. </li></ul>This cycle is powerful, but not permanent. With the right tools and support, it can be rewired.<h2>Personality traits that fuel perfectionist thinking</h2>While everyone’s experience looks a little different, common traits include: <ul><li>All-or-nothing thinking: Success feels like the only acceptable outcome. </li><li>Excessive self-criticism: Small slip-ups trigger harsh self-talk. </li><li>External validation seeking: Self-esteem depends on others’ approval.</li></ul>These traits often overlap with strengths (like ambition, attention to detail, or drive) which is why perfectionism can be hard to untangle.<h2>How the pursuit of perfection affects mental health </h2>Chasing perfection can come at a cost. Research suggests it’s linked to:<ul><li>Higher levels of stress, anxiety, and burnout</li><li>Decision paralysis, where fear of getting it wrong stops you from acting</li><li>Lower creativity, since innovation requires room for trial and error</li></ul>If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many ambitious professionals fall into this pattern, especially in high-pressure careers. For community support and practical tools, our <a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/upcoming-workshops" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/upcoming-workshops">group workshops</a> dive into these topics with others who “get it.”<h2>How to address the root cause of perfectionism </h2>The good news: Perfectionism is learned, which means it can be unlearned. Here are three science-backed strategies: <ul><li>Cognitive reframing: Catch and reword perfectionist thoughts. For example, swap “I must not fail” with “I’m learning as I go.”</li><li>Nervous system regulation: Slow breathing or grounding helps calm the overactive stress response that fuels perfectionist pressure.</li><li>Identity-based habits: Instead of “I must do this perfectly,” try “I’m the kind of person who learns through practice.” Small, repeated wins rewire self-belief. These steps work even better with accountability. If you’d like personalised support,<a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/individual-sessions" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/individual-sessions"> 1:1 coaching sessions</a> can help you identify your specific triggers and reframe them in real time.</li></ul>Perfectionism may feel like a permanent part of your personality, but it’s really just a set of habits shaped by past experiences. And habits can change. With awareness, the right tools, and supportive spaces, you can begin to shift from chasing flawless outcomes to building steady, confident progress.Joy, Co-founder, selfsquared

The root cause of perfectionism & how to overcome it

Learn what boundaries truly are, why they’re hard to set &amp; how to build them with practical tools for confidence, clarity &amp; self-respect in life. Reading time: 5,12 minutes<figure id="figure-q466gkc804lk2vnvgy"><img id="q466gkc804lk2vnvgy" src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/14t6fm5n0Md3K3698d36C8hRBH6FlhrT4sVTexBOhIMKWtbf4k1PS2ylHHwulfR9.jpg" alt="Personal boundaries - selfsquared" title="Personal boundaries - selfsquared" class="object-cover bg-gray-100 rounded-lg md:rounded-xl lg:rounded-2xl" style="aspect-ratio: 1/1; object-position: 30% 35%;" data-corners="medium" data-aspect="1:1" data-caption="" data-positionx="30%" data-positiony="35%" data-fullwidth="false" data-mce-src="https://cdn.durable.co/blocks/14t6fm5n0Md3K3698d36C8hRBH6FlhrT4sVTexBOhIMKWtbf4k1PS2ylHHwulfR9.jpg" data-mce-style="aspect-ratio: 1/1; object-position: 30% 35%;"></figure>I used to think boundaries were pretty straightforward.You tell people what you’re okay with. You say “no” when you mean no. You take space when you need it. Simple, right?Not exactly.Over the past couple of years, I’ve been on a personal mission to understand boundaries, why we struggle with them, what they actually look like in real life, and how setting them can completely transform our energy, confidence, self-esteem, and relationships. I have also noticed that women in their mid-20s to late 30s struggle with boundaries even more than other groups.<h2>What are boundaries?</h2>Let’s start with what boundaries actually are. They’re not walls. They’re not ultimatums. Boundaries are the emotional, mental, physical, and time-based limits we set to protect our energy, values, and well-being. They’re a form of self-respect. A way of saying, “This is what I need to stay whole.” Think of them as your internal compass. They guide how you want to be treated, how you show up in relationships, and how you care for your own peace.So if boundaries are so essential, why do so many of us find them hard to set?<h2>Why do we struggle to set boundaries?</h2>Through our <a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/group-workshops" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/group-workshops" target="_blank" rel="noopener">workshops</a> and <a data-mce-href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/individual-sessions" href="https://myselfsquared.com/offerings/individual-sessions" target="_blank" rel="noopener">one-on-one sessions</a>, we found that this isn’t just about not knowing what to say. Our brains are literally wired to keep us connected, even at the expense of our own needs. From an evolutionary standpoint, belonging to a group meant survival. And deep down, our nervous systems are still running that same script.When we sense conflict or disapproval, our brain perceives it as a threat. That’s why saying “no” can trigger anxiety, guilt, or even panic. The part of our brain that handles threat detection lights up, and suddenly, a simple boundary starts to feel like emotional danger. Add to that the feel-good rush of being liked or accepted, and you’ve got a brain that’s been trained to people-please. Every time we accommodate others, even when it costs us, we get a small hit of relief. Over time, this becomes a reward loop. We say yes when we mean no. We smile through discomfort. We overextend, just to keep the peace.For some women, that over-accommodation runs even deeper. If you’re highly empathetic, your brain mirrors others’ emotions more intensely. You don’t just understand someone’s discomfort, you feel it. And that can make it even harder to hold your ground. When someone else is upset, you might take it on as your responsibility to fix it, even if it means crossing your own limits.All of this is compounded by chronic stress or low self-esteem, which weaken the part of our brain responsible for decision-making and self-regulation. Without conscious effort, we default to what feels “safe”: avoiding conflict, staying agreeable, overdelivering, and neglecting our own needs in the process.The problem is, that safety is short-lived.When we don’t set boundaries, we slowly start to lose ourselves. We let family, partners or children take over our lives. We feel burnt out, taken for granted, emotionally drained. We say yes while our body screams no. And even when no one else is asking for too much, we begin to feel resentful because we haven’t given ourselves permission to say enough.But it doesn’t have to stay that way.<h2>How to set healthy boundaries?</h2>Learning to set boundaries is a skill. It starts with self-awareness, tuning into those subtle signals of discomfort, irritation, or exhaustion. Those aren’t random mood swings. They’re clues. Clues that something needs adjusting. Boundaries often come into focus when we ask ourselves, “What am I no longer available for?” or “What do I need more of to feel grounded and well?”Once you start identifying your limits, the next step is practicing how to express them, clearly and kindly.<h2>Phrases that work</h2>You don’t need to over-explain. Sometimes a simple, “That doesn’t work for me” or “I need to think about that before saying yes” is more than enough. It’s not about being harsh. It’s about being honest. Those phrases have massively helped me internalise the reasons for struggling to say no.<h2>From guilt to growth</h2>In the beginning, it might feel awkward. You might worry about letting people down. Guilt might creep in, and that’s okay. Guilt is often just a sign that you’re doing something new, not something wrong. When those feelings show up, remind yourself that setting a boundary isn’t just about protecting your energy, and it’s about creating healthier, more authentic connections. When you’re honest about what you need, you give others permission to do the same.There’s no perfect way to do this. You’ll wobble. You’ll adjust. But every time you honor your own limits, you strengthen your self-trust. You teach your nervous system that it’s safe to have needs. That you don’t have to abandon yourself to belong.<h2>Boundaries are bridges, not walls</h2>Boundaries aren’t barriers. They’re bridges. Bridges to more aligned choices, deeper relationships, and a more grounded version of yourself. We can’t help everyone, please everyone, and keep everyone around us happy. Our responsibility is to prioritise our own mental and physical health.So if you’re feeling stretched thin, start here: When was the last time you felt your boundary was crossed? What would it feel like to honor that boundary now?This is your permission to start. Not to push others away, but to come back home to yourself. ChristieCo-founder, selfsquared

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